If you use Facebook, chances are you’ve wished for a ‘dislike’ button. Probably several times a day. But you know what would be even better? A dislike button for people.
Come on. You’d use it. A lot, probably.
Imagine. You’re in line at Wal-Mart. A mother with three bored, loud kids is ahead of you, arguing with the checker over a ten cent discrepancy. Every third word out of her mouth is a curse, and she angrily tells her fussing toddler to be quiet while she continues to argue over a dime. And no, I didn’t make that up. How awesome would it be to slam a big, red DISLIKE sticker right on her forehead? Of course, it’s no ordinary sticker. It’s loaded with super glue. She’ll be stuck with that baby for several hours.
Or what about the mom who parks EVERY DAMNED DAY in the carpool lane at school, blocking the line, while she walks her kid inside? Of course, there are parking spots twenty feet away, but she’s special enough she gets to slow everyone else down for the day. Bam! Red sticker for you, lady.
The two-faced coworker. Everyone of us has dealt with them. They’re your best friend until your back is turned, and then they spend an hour badmouthing your outfit, desk, your work ethics, whatever makes them feel better about themselves. Smack! Right on the mouth.
And the jackass who sits directly in front of you at the theater–although it’s mostly empty-and texts during the entire movie so that the glow of his cell phone completely distracts you? Here’s your sticker.
Then there are inconsiderate parkers.
These people are a special kind of jerk, and they’re everywhere. No regard whatsoever for the rest of the population. Two stickers for them–one for their vehicle and one right between the eyes. Nothing like superglue on the eyebrows to teach a person a lesson.
And then there’s my personal favorite: the hubby who knows every damned button to push. You’ve spent an hour cleaning the house. It’s almost perfect, but you haven’t gotten to the refrigerator yet because you know something’s growing in there and you’re afraid to find out what. So he comes home, doesn’t notice the gleaming countertop or fresh-smelling house, and goes straight to the fridge. First words? “Jesus. When are you going to clean this thing out?”
Foot up his ass, sticker for his forehead. With double super-glue.
Who else deserves a big, red DISLIKE sticker glued to their forehead? It’s Monday, so there have to be multiple offenders out there.